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why do i need to be so lonely. why is this the life i live, in this, the distance between me speaking my mind and letting it all out, to the only place in my mind where i can live in my own insanity, i just keep the words flowing and my mind seems to know what to do to keep it all sounding like an actual sentence. i have no control of my life, yet someone is home and it seems to me that i'm just drinking a cup of tea. and i run out, letting my emotions spill everywhere. just over an empty cup of tea. i splurge. and i seem to be deleting the sentence i don't like. because it went bad.

i feel to close to the rest of the sentences, and that is how the first Claustrophobic created the paragraph ,and the tab, and the space. i need some space in my life right now. YET I REALIZE. what does the tab mean compared to the way one lives. i guess a head start from the rest. kinda like a 'race to the finish' type deal.



i took a breath just to get away from the computor for a bit, so i could slow down and think to myself. but that is why i started typing again, because i didnt want to think. i want to keep my words fresh. right now the only word in my head is only one word. and that word changes everytime i type a new word. i still forget to mention that i only sweat the small things like commas and periods,

and the difference between "your" and "you're". i am the problem when it comes to judging someone's sentences. the only difference is that i don't mind capitalizing. why?

because my insanity doesn't give a shit.

HOW I WRITE DEPRESSION

                      D: find a personal DEVASTATION

                                            E: have a public EPISODE (but not too obvious)

                                   P: PARTICIPATE in listening to sad music

R: READ a sad poem

                                  E: ENJOY the feeling you get after crying

 S: SIT all by yourself

                                   S: realize that you are really really SAD    

      I: IMAGINE better days

                         O: ORGANIZE your feelings into art

                                                 N: write a touching letter to yourself on a NAPKIN

In short,
Be Original

your love is but the outside of the earth everywhere

 i now dazzl in the tasteful fire

 list to celebrate how gifts see a powerful skin. more fashion like free and beauty at a service mark. support a legacy made to win everywhere

 love story:we fall in the romantic occasion

 i love the making of a legand

 the legacy honoring the legendary

 i wonder what to wear

he was in his writers game. but this season made fun of the horrible disconnection to the attack... by the time his good name premiered, it was warming up his extreme, confided, funny candidate. he did not leave a good audience during a commercial break. he can run the tiebreaker. his reruns got awkward, his speech cheers but he loses time. his hand runs on crippling fear and kicks in to be finer things seen for the first time, a far cry to see something touched by her security. within, he cant ignore.
dream casual, to wear the earth

It's Made All The Difference, Yet It Wasn't In My Favor

f
 a
  l
   l
    i
     n
      g

       h
        a
         s

          n
           e
            v    it
             e    is
              r    a
                    forbidden
             b     love
            e     that
           e     cannot
          n     win
                no
         s     matter
        o     how
              strong.
       h   
      a
     r
    d
what my problem seems to be is that i am falling in the wrong direction, knowing right from wronghas never been so confusing. i want to see what i have been doing wrong, but no one can seem to help me and my problems. I am just as confused as you were when you couldn't decide if you loved me or not. but i guess that is the answer. because you dont know what you want anymore. so your just as confused as me. perfect. well now that we are at a halt, i guess its my turn to make a decision, and i know that i am never going to like my decision, but it has to be this.

i choose to forfeit. because i cannot kiss.

The Stupid Decision Of A Procrastinator

So today I couldn't take it. In my life, only one phrase has been talking to me. I do not know where it comes from and it goes something like this
"It's better to be let down from knowing, then by not knowing at all. Because then you will live a life of what if." I saw this and I knew that a question unanswered is a fate of depression.

It's been burning in my heart, giving me that feeling that makes me want to scratch my chest out because there isn't enough room in my body, because I find my skin claustrophobic to the senses. And love is pushing it. I needed to be set free! My question, unanswered, needed to be found. But then I asked, and you told, and I fell. And I can't get back up. Because I found you, but this wasn't the way it should have been. Because now I am dying. My heart is rotting. Surviving on only Coca~Cola and tears. Yet the tears feel good. And they stop falling. And my heart stops. I've been through this once before. I won't go through it again. But that's the stupid decision of a procrastinator. Waiting till now to finally put my mind to my heart, and instead of my heart, to my feet, and my feet to my lungs. Cause walking hurts my breathing, so why didn't I just stop? Because love was hopeful. And because love does what he wants.

I  N D   I
n  o  r   n
d  n  a   d
i   e   m   i
p      a    v
e       t    i
n       i   d
d       c   u
a            a
n            l
t

 
 

a funny GIFt to you

iNDi

Futile, Yet Persuasive.

so it must come to this, deciding which path to take has never been so impertinent, and it has become uncomfortable to me. its futile, yet persuasive. but i honestly don't know what to see, or hear, yet i touch and feel you there. right in front of me. after what had happened today, almost breaking down crying in more than three of my classes, i don't know how i can hold it back tomorrow. but i must, because not crying means my identity, and identity makes all the difference.

Thinking About Thursday.

Well I'm kind of confused. i guess I'm receiving mixed messages about you, about us, about me. about what we feel, and how we see each other, and i guess its just hard for me to imagine what you see when you see me! well i guess I've just got pre-love syndrome, and it is a killer. falling is futile and a sin. when i see you,  i fall right into your heart, your hands, your arms, and my own pool of emotions. I'm sure you have heard of the quote "love is a battle field.", because I'm pretty sure that your army has its fort built strong, it just makes me worried if my army can break through that wall to get to you. going crazy must be a symptom, yet going crazy makes all the difference.