paris and the blackout

I feel like something has been, put down. like I'm in a world where my emotions are ignored, and my glass has become... fractured.

Paris is in a blackout.

i feel like im holding a candle where the wick has fallen out.
this feeling that i cant put the whick back in is weird and the wax.. has finally hardened.
the smell from the candle has forgotten the space around it, its forgotten me.

i can only light incense now. but incense doesn't give me light, or heat.

i changed my mind last night. instead of incense at my funeral. give me candles.

because then when i am lying into the red velvet. i can feel more alive.

because then when i am lying into the red velvet. im closer to god.

because then when i am lying into the red velvet. i can feel the flame.

and when i do.

i will be dead.


so go on paris.

go live in a blackout.

ill bring more candles.
it'll be more romantic
 

The Incense At My Funeral

I'm wanting to know that you are part of the fire, yet should you know better than to go running off into the fields. so i stand in the distance hoping that we can stop ourselves. I know our love is a lying depression and pain feels cheated. i can only wonder why hope still fears pain. i wanted to know how to find a personal devastation but instead i now dazzle in the tasteful fire that encircles the incense at my funeral. i can love the making of our legend, and it pushes me in the wrong direction, towards the answer to the question that you have been asking me for decades. yet you don't know what you want anymore.
and it seems to me, that all love has ever wanted to know, is what she wants. and i haven't felt that in years. i know that when somebody loved me, everything was beautiful. but all i see now is the dead flowers by my grave.

Dirty snow was once beautiful

I knew this person. Who tore my breath apart. I thought that we were to be together. But my childhood became corrupt, and I was sent away, living practically alone at the age of five. That was the time I cried all night, and I never cried again. I knew I had never seen an angel in my life, and because of this, I cut myself. I wouldn't let myself cry, yet I cried with tears of blood. So I sobbed all night. Because I knew I could cover it up easier than my eyes. Months later, I returned.

We met again. We began again. I promised myself I would never cry again, but when we met eyes again, I ran, I sprinted, and we danced till the day had grown old. And I knew I lied, because I knew that this was the angel I had met eyes with. But by the end of the day.

She was dead.

And i never got my breath back.

I now know that I am as changed as the once beautifully white snow.

a Poetic twist to music

you spend all your time waiting in the crossfire, for that second chance.
for a breath of awakening that would take you to your judgement day.
you seek the one you love, but
don't get your plane right on time,
know you're part of the fire.
and you should know better
than to go running of in the fields

where are we?
what the hell is going on?
the dust has just began to fall crop circles in the carpet!
a tornado flew around my room before you arrived
i cleaned the mess it made, but it made a mess again
i usually don't fall in love in southern California.
so i come up to meet you, to
tell you im sorry.
to ask you if should love each other
one day more.
in another life, for another destiny
so we can seek this never ending road to Calvary

what deep post could i put on my blog now...oooh pictures!!!

LOVE MOVED TO CALIFORNIA

Pain is a countless and hopeless agony and torment that cannot be the only type of pain i have met eyes with. pain seems to haunt me. chasing me in my dreams. trying to kill me. running with love seems to be the only way.

Yet love? love is worse. love seems to hide in the distance, or in the corner waiting. and when you least expect it, you'll see love, hiding in the darkness, sitting there, worried, just as much as you are. yet love is with depression, talking, thinking, finding out from depression, that love is being watched, by you, so love looks over at you. and do you know what to do about it? no, because you haven't experienced anything like it before. and all of the sudden you feel scared and frightened, and crazy. and you'll walk towards love, not knowing what to do. yet when you get close. love leaps up, taller than a building, sending emotions through the roof, taking you with them, and sending you high in the air. and you fall, and all you feel is the air rushing across your skin.
all you have to do is ask for love to catch you, and it will.

if you don't, pain will. and pain will feel cheated.

if lust sees you falling. run.
if sadness hears you calling for love, he will yell.

but you wont hear it, because you hear better things.
hope will cheer, and start to cry.
but hope still fears pain.
so he calms down.

right now

pain seems to be leaving love alone.
yet i seem to have lost love.

love moved to California last year.

All The Kids Have Grown Up