Sunday, October 27, 2013


honestly i think a might like-like you, why do we honestly not ask each other? if we feel something, if you feel something! i cant take this anymore! seriously!! and my life is so screwed up right now. you would think that only an idiot would try to find love during my crazy screwed up life, but i cant help it, I'm falling! i feel like Alice. crawling through a dark tunnel, until i fall, but falling never ends, until i reach the bottom. hopefully your not like the white rabbit, running away after i have been falling for you this whole time. cause that white rabbit just pisses me off! but never mind about that.

we watched water for elephants, and i cried in front of you, and i didn't know if that was ok, crying in front of you.

we went to the dance, and we walked through the circus. and i freaking hate that circus!!! why did they have to make us hold those freaking stupid ropes!! i wanted to hold your hand! i wanted to be near you! that is the whole reason i bought a ticket to the dance!

whats my next move? i don't have a clue!! and it scares me! cause its either a kiss or a forfeit. yet that makes all the difference.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Our Star

i knew that it was the right choice, to go and take the twenty seconds of courage to ask if i could hold your hand. we were scared and i wanted it to be this way, i knew that you wanted me to be scared so that i would ask, because you already know what you want. that is how the night started. now we both remember the first time we held hands, it was pretty frightening, and it was mostly because we were at a haunted house. but that's not the point, the point is that you were the one who said that we could hold hands and that is the only reason you wanted to go their yesterday. just so we could hold hands, just so we could point out the only star in the sky that was important to us. just so you would drive me crazy thinking that star was OUR star.. but then i would pull back thinking i was going crazy and it made me realize that i didn't even know if you liked me or not, i had no clue whatsoever, and i realized that, either I'm bad at reading your clues, or your just bad at leaving hints here or their. and i don't know what to think of myself. but i know that i have really strong feelings for you... in fact you could say I'm in love, but everyone knows that you can only be in love if the other person loves you back. the only reason i wright this at night is because i have a slight loss of my senses, which adds to the fact that i think no one knows who i am and that i am pretty sure no one knows who i am talking about. yet they wouldn't know where the gap is where i started liking you and where i stopped liking  some specific individual that i have lost all feelings for.. hopefully, because i cant stand the pressure of liking two people at once. that's where it would go hopelessly wrong... all of it, all that i have worked for all the way to this point, where i can hold you hand and.. in fact.. i honestly cannot tell who's hand is the cold clammy one and who's hand is the sweaty one. yet not knowing has made all the difference.

Sunday, October 13, 2013



I Just Want To Take A Nap

dreaming is different. apparently one individual can eventually stop having dreams! i am afraid of the day that is supposed to happen to me, yet i know that i can change my fate. (you said that in a Scottish accent, didn't you?). what has happened to those who have stopped dreaming? i can tell you that they haven't gone insane,no, because that is when dreams try to come out and escape and overflow and go every where and create a mess of that individual. it seems that most of the people who have stopped dreaming, have stopped believing. and i don't care if that's the most cheesy bullshit you have ever heard in your entire life. it is true. BUT keep in mind that not believing is only one of many reasons why some people have stopped dreaming. talking about it would only give you a false sense of hope or some stupid excuse to become something you want instead of fate itself, just fake. I DON'T WANT TO BE FAKE. so why would i want to search for the reasons why people stopped dreaming. i want to dream, i want to dream so much the it will make me crazy! i want nothing more than to be surrounded with my greatest dreams. at the same time, i don't want that. i want a life where love thrives and you choose where you want to be and with whomever you want to be with, its all about your dreams and where you want to go. yet its hard. but i move on, letting life take its course... sure ill still have my hands on the wheels but lets be honest, i just want to take a nap. you know, those naps with the short little love stories, those are the ones that let me choose to live. it helps me from becoming...crazy,     and that has made all the difference.

Sunday, October 6, 2013


It Is Quite A Tragedy, Really.

I was of the age of eight when i found out the most devastating news that i have ever experienced in my entire life. but i don't feel like telling you, and its quite a tragedy really. cause I'm sure you would love it. but whom am i to give you the illusion of my depression and sadness. why would i wish for you to know what i feel. honestly letting you in like that would pull you back a bit. and i guess the bigger picture is seen when taking a step back. but i don't wish for this to happen, you see, i want you to remain as you are. happy.
honestly i would love to have a discussion about happy things in our lives that made us cry, like a story, like a story about love. you know! the one about a little girl, who sold matches to earn money but nobody would buy them. I know the story though, so let me tell it to you!

Thursday, October 3, 2013

love. hope. and no lust, whatsoever.

IN LIFE, i look over at you, just for a quick glance. you are right next to me. when I'm not looking at you, your looking at me, i can feel it, your eyes have a passion that radiates life in a way that love only possesses. 

How can i say these things? just to make me feel better? just so i can think that you might love me? just to keep my mind racing onward towards a fate that will break me... and the one i love? or do i think these things cause i have hope? What happens when hope is mixed with love? it lives on! but what happens when hope is mixed with lust? it shatters glass for everyone to step on, until you pick up the pieces. but it doesn't seem like that at first, no, its like a glass doorknob, with some fire and time, it will shatter. I'm scared

i look back over at you. you look away. it takes you a second, but you look back. we sit there and look at each other. at first we are OK, but then it gets kind of crazy... we laugh and then we tear up and then laugh some more. we both know whats going on. love. hope. and no lust whatsoever. with no hesitation you lunge towards me with a kiss. i only wish i had thought to do that first. yet with the kiss comes a tear...... finally.... I'm free